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SOLITUDE

By Jodi Kluchar

Solitude,

Unyielding Solitude.

It cuts at my being like a knife…

A demon clawing my flesh.

Might this fiend leave me alone?

No.

I chose this Solitude,

This demon is my only friend.

Hollow as this union may be,

It is all I know,

I cling to it.

I will not let it go.

After all,

Don’t I deserve the torture?

Who am I to think I am entitled to anything better?

Agony, Pain, Emptiness, and Depression are my sisters.

They are my family,

We are joined together in Blood,

Precious Blood.

No matter how hard I try to disown them,

They always come back.

But, how hard do I try?

If they were gone,

Then I would be utterly alone.

That, I could not bear.

Jodi Kluchar lives in Ohio with her son and daughter. After the birth of her son, she experienced nightmares and flashbacks of his emergency cesarean delivery, but didn’t tell anyone. She was extremely depressed and suicidal for about a year. When she found out she was pregnant with her daughter, she began to have panic attacks and became very suicidal. That was when she finally sought help. Jodi has been on medications and in counseling ever since. Although she doesn’t feel like she will ever be completely ‘cured’, she tries to live in the moment. Now, when she peers into the looking glass, she likes what she sees.

Jodi runs a website for women who have had traumatic birth experiences and suffer from PTSD as a result. Visit: http://www.ptsdafterchildbirth.org for information and support.

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